Strip down that tinsel tree to its bare aluminum pole.
Behold it has a very high strength-to-weight ratio.
Let the Airing of Grievances commence around the table.
Got a lot of problems with you people, and you're gonna hear about it!
Savor some meatloaf served on a bed of lettuce during dinner.
Up next come Feats of Strength; pin the patriarch or we continue.
Festivus YES — Bagels NO — Hey! No bagel, no bagel, no bagel ...
Don't be two-faced about the whole thing. Stand under good lighting.
If you buy nothing this season, it'll be a Festivus miracle!
All proceeds this year will go to the Human Fund: Money For People.